I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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