Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
