Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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