Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
