I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The beer is more important than you right now.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
