My nipple is on Facebook.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
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P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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