Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
