I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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