idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
