she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
