I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
