im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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