I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
