He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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