Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's shark week go big or go home
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
