im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
