I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
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I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
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Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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