walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When did angry sex become our thing?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
