in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
