My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
