you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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