There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize