Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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