I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
