So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
