he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
