Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
