it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
