Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
someone threw a dead crab at me
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
its not stalking. its research.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
