Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
