If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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