but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
