They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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