you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
