You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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