3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She tied me up with her honor cords...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just forgot I was standing up.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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