I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
NoShamevember. You game?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
not ubering you a puppy
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
