I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I believe in your delicious
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
