This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
