I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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