Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
