I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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