i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
