How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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