My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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