did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
