Betty ford says i'm here all night
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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