she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
