He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
