i think i have two assholes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Mom said you looked used
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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