She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
