This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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