Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
