Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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