This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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