is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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