I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
