i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
